


Potion Maker's Daughter

by YourFavouriteRatKing



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Dragons, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Awkwardness, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Elemental Magic, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fantasy, Female Character of Color, Hidden Talents, I'm Bad At Tagging, Mages, Magic, Please Kill Me, Potions, Recovered Memories, Slow Burn, Team Dynamics, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:15:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27426307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourFavouriteRatKing/pseuds/YourFavouriteRatKing
Summary: I could feel a tug in my mind, painfully insistent. It was beckoning, wanting me to let go. So I did.The sensation filled me immediately, making me gasp. I felt far away from this world, like I was dreaming. Yet, for some reason, I had never been so awake.And then I was falling. No, flying upwards. I could feel the wind whistling in my ears, my hair whipping around me. I couldn't open my eyes, I didn't want to try.The whistling in my ears was starting to get louder. It didn't even sound like the wind whistling anymore. It sounded... Almost like...---Amirah Rayne is just a village girl, living with her single mother and insufferable little sister. That's until she finds out she possesses a type of magic that hasn't been seen in a decade. Between strange visions, a sick mother, and a cute boy, Amirah isn't entirely sure what she's gotten herself into.What is she going to do now, when her life is caught up in a tangled net of lies, memories, and magic? Follow one teenager on her journey to discover the truth, all while she tries to keep her family together and maintain her sense of self. Oh, did I mention the dragons?
Relationships: Original Female Character/Original Male Character





	1. Insults Are Good Impressions?

The class was quiet when I walked in, almost unnaturally so, except for a few muttered conversations. Nevertheless, I took my usual spot toward the back of the class. 

I put my head in my hands, trying to rub some of the exhaustion out of my eyes. Yesterday had been a long shift at work, and the lack of sleep was finally getting to me. I pressed my forehead into the cool wooden surface of my wobbly desk, hoping the cold could alleviate my biting headache.

The headaches had been bothering me all week. I suspected it had to do with the fact that I hadn't been taking care of myself as much as I should've. Ever since my sister, Fain, had received an invitation to attend the illustrious Heritage Academy. I had been working extra hard, between helping with the packing, and earning extra money so Fain could travel all the way to Illindame. 

The sound of clicking heels interrupted my thinking, Miss Bella had arrived. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed my peers straightening in their seats, but thought nothing of it.

“Good morning class,” Miss Bella started, “I would like to introduce some special guests who have come to see you.”

With a strained smile, she gestured towards the door. “Please give a warm welcome to our guests,” said Miss Bella, pausing for dramatic effect, “The High Mages of Onzha!”

I jerked my head up in shock.  _ The High Mages!? _ Everything made sense now, the unusual hush over the class, Miss Bella's stained smile. Everyone else had known, but I had come in later than everyone else and missed the news.

The High Mages were the king's personally chosen warriors, given the task of hunting down dragons. There were only six of them, one mage for each of the five elements—earth, air, water, fire, and light—and a healer. People from all over the globe trained tirelessly for the chance to become one of them.

I had never seen the High Mages this close, the rumours I heard about their appearances did not give them justice. They looked so perfect, so regal, compared to the classroom, which looked almost dull now. They hadn't bought all their members, two of the High Mages weren't there but I didn't dwell over it.

“Good morning everyone.” My attention was snagged by one of the High Mages. Zaria Avci, she was often called the leader of the group, despite none of them confirming it. My thirteen-year-old self's High Mage phase helped me recognize her, there was a time when I would hero-worship Zaria, simply because she was from the same country as my father, and shared his skin tone.

“We were in the area so we made the decision to drop by and observe some of the students,” she said as if she were reciting words from a script, “if one of you displays extraordinary talent, you may have the chance to attend school in Illindame.”

The atmosphere in the room sharpened. With that one sentence, Zaria has turned the room into a competition. I could already see some of my classmates deep in thought, thinking of the best way to catch the High Mages' attention. I listened carefully as Zaria continued, giving us more details about the High Mages' visit.

I couldn't help but think of the unfairness of the situation. Students in Illindame were observed ever since they were children, and scholarships we're thrown at them as soon as they graduated at the age of thirteen. It was expected of Illindame kids to chase ambitious careers. Village kids, on the other hand, had to travel to Illindame numerous times just so they could  _ apply _ to go to one of their schools. Even then, they had to go through rigorous entrance exams and almost rarely made it. 

I knew this because I had seen my own sister put through the harsh system. The High Mages thought they were giving us a huge opportunity by coming to Janraok and offering us a chance to impress them. But it wouldn't make a difference compared to the kids in Illindame who were being tested for talent all their lives.

A little fire had lit up in me. I had half a mind to go up to them and criticize them for thinking they were doing us a favour, but I held my tongue. I already didn't think I had a chance to get into an Illindame school, and yelling at the High Mages wouldn't improve my chances.

* * *

Almost half the class had gone by before Miss Bella allowed us to practice our magic. The whole class was eager to impress the High Mages, so it was no surprise that most of them opted to practice their magic by target practice or sparring.

I decided to run myself through some simple warmup spells, but the second I tried to say something, a wave of dizziness and nausea washed over me.

That was unusual. Was it possible that I had magic burnout? But that didn't make sense, I had hardly used any magic these days. Besides this felt entirely different. Was this related to my headaches earlier this morning? I pushed back my rising concern. ‘It was probably because I wasn't sleeping enough,’ I told myself.

So I couldn't do any magic for now, unless I wanted to pass out. That left me with one solution: potions. 

I pulled out my potions supplies and ingredients from my bag. Potions were easy, I had been learning the art since I was a kid. Brewing also helped calm my nerves. Compared to most forms of magic, which were deeply connected to one's emotions, potions we're all about rules and recipes.

I was halfway through my potion when I noticed someone's gaze on me. I decided to go for a potion I had never tried before; a tonic for restless nights of sleep. I had been plagued with nightmares when I was a kid, so it was a little nostalgic, making this potion.

I pretended to drop my textbook, trying to subtly catch a glance at whoever was watching. With a jolt, I noticed it was one of the High Mages, a middle-aged man with a military haircut, who I immediately recognized as Kai Tsen.

I took in a steadying breath, returning my textbook to its place on my desk. There was a High Mage. And that High Mage was looking at me. This is fine. 

I went back to my potions. The tonic was very complicated, which was why I hadn't attempted it before. I carefully stirred the mixture, adding some powdered herbs in small amounts.

With this potion specifically, I had to move quickly and carefully, one wrong move would be disastrous. I couldn't afford to be distracted. I let myself sink into my work. My eyes scanned over the instructions, my hands followed accordingly. Two spoonfuls of pine sap, a handful of crushed ginger roots, and then let it simmer for a moment before—

“Potions. Bold choice.” I almost jumped out of my seat when I heard the voice behind me. I had almost forgotten about Kai. I quickly collected my composure. 

“I wouldn't call it bold,” I said, “just simple. And easy.” 

I heard the unmistakable sound of a chair scraping as Kai took a seat next to me. “Not many people would've chosen to do potions today, it's not exactly the easiest subject,” he said.

“It's just a matter of memorization and precision. Anyone could do it.” Heat rose up in my cheeks when I realized that I had completely disagreed with what he said. I scrambled to correct myself. “Although my opinion might be biased,” I quickly continued, “I do come from a family of healers. Potions run in our blood.”

“Interesting,” he said, “out of curiosity, will you be willing to go to Illindame if you're given the opportunity today?”

“As if,” I scoffed. 

Kai gave me a curious look before gesturing at me to go on.

“As generous as the offer may seem, I just think it'll be difficult for anyone to make much of an impression in barely an hour when Illindame kids have had the same opportunity for all their life.”

Dread settled in my stomach. Why did I have to say that? I quickly turned away, trying to hide my face behind a curtain of hair. This was the second time I had said something insulting to Kai. Stupid, stupid tongue. 

I pretended to focus back on my potion. I examined the consistency of the tonic, noticing that it looked different than what I remembered taking as a kid. Did Mama use a different recipe? I reread the instructions to see what I did wrong, dreading Kai 's response.

“I never thought of it that way.”

Panic coursed through me. “Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for the chance. I don't know why I said that. It was horrible of me to say, I'm sorry.”

Kai gave me a nod of acknowledgment before excusing himself. I watched miserably as he made his way back to Miss Bella. Cursing myself, I slumped into my seat, I'm such an idiot.

It was only a moment after that embarrassing conversation that we were being dismissed. As of now, no one had received an invitation. No surprise. I quickly packed up my stuff and slung my bag over my shoulder, wanting to put this day behind me.

Luckily, I had the chance to finish my tonic for restless sleep. The textbook said that it would last a few months without going bad, so I poured the contents into a vial for later use. 

I was still thinking about the appearance of the tonic. Something about it didn't sit right with me, so I made a mental note to ask Mama about it when I got home.

“Hey, wait up!”

I turned around to find myself being approached by one of the High Mages. I froze in my tracks, a blush rising up my cheeks. He was… very attractive. Tall, with curly brown hair that flopped into his eyes endearingly. I heard that they had gotten a new member a few years ago, but I hadn't really noticed him when the High Mages had walked in. Face to face with him, I could barely breathe.

“Me?” I asked, pointing at myself. 

“You're Amirah Rayne, correct?” He gave me a small half-smile. It was probably out of politeness, but it made my heart thump nonetheless.

I nodded, fiddling with my hair. Was this about how I disrespected Kai? Was this the last where I got punished for insulting a High Mage?

“I'm supposed to give you this,” he said, holding out a card to me.

I took the paper from him, focusing extra hard not to brush my fingers against his. It was a thick, cream-coloured paper with a lovely flower border. I could tell it was high quality, probably the nicest paper I had ever touched. I bet it even smelled good, but I didn't want to embarrass myself by checking. I recognized the seal at the top of the paper right away.

“Cypress Valley School for Girls? An Illindame school?!” I was confused, beyond confused. I shouldn't have stood a chance. I almost expected someone to jump around from around a corner, shouting  _ fooled ya!  _

“Congratulations,” he said, “the entrance exams are soon, and you're invited to attend. The details are on the card.”

“This can't be true,” I said, I hadn't displayed any extraordinary talent, I had  _ insulted _ Kai, for god's sake.

I couldn't help the huge grin that made its way onto my face. I barely resisted the urge to jump around and whoop.

“School in Illindame, wow. I, I just—wow,” it felt so surreal, the best dream come true, “are you sure you have the right person?”

“I'm sure. From what I heard, you made quite the impression,” he said, one corner of his mouth quirking up into a smirk, “and if things go well, I'll be lucky enough to see you around, Amirah Rayne.”

I watched his retreating back, wanting to go after him. I had so many questions. What impression did I make? Would he see me again? Could I take him out for dinner?

Scratch out that last one.

But there was one question that gnawed at me more than the rest; what on earth possessed them to give the invitation to me? Did they think I was bold? Or perhaps they wanted to prove that someone from a small village like mine could make it to an Illindame school?

I clutched the card close to my chest. I was sure that any moment now I would wake up from this dream come true. Cypress Valley…

* * *

I made it to my house as quickly as possible, eager to share the news with my family. It was Friday, so Mama was going to be back early. My house was a half an hour walk away from school, but I managed to cut it down to 20 minutes.

I reached a familiar cluster of houses, my neighbourhood. There were children playing ball on the side of the road, their shrieks of laughter could be heard from an impressive distance. I could see a few dragons roosted in some trees, their cries were a telltale sign that sunset was coming.

It was no surprise that the High Mages visited our village. Janraok was well known for its high dragon population, our dense forests were home to countless dragon species, mainly the harmless type. It wasn't until I travelled to a neighbouring village did I realize that this wasn't common.

I walked along the street, passing by similar-looking bungalows until I reached mine. Pots of different shapes and sizes decorated our lawn. 

When I opened the door, I was immediately hit with the aroma of freshly made food mixed with the sharp tang of simmering potions. Tucking the invitation into my pocket, I took off my shoes and school bag and made my way into the living room.

“Amirah? You're early.” Mama was cooking dinner, so I immediately went to the kitchen to help. 

“Yeah, I thought I'd at least have a few more moments before I'd have to see you,” my sister said, looking up from his pile of notes on the floor.

I stuck my tongue out in response, like any mature 17–year–old. 

“Dinners ready. Fayette put away your notes. We're going to eat as a family.”

Fain groaned and stuffed her books into her bag. “Do I have to? I was just starting to focus,” she said, trudging towards the table. Mama ignored her.

I got myself my dinner—a bowl of soup with some of yesterday's garlic bread—before taking a seat at the table with Mama and Fain. 

“So, um,” I started, not knowing how to break the good news, “how was work?”

Along with her potion business, Mama had been working multiple side jobs to keep food on the table. I knew she was exhausted every day, but we all pretended the bags under her eyes didn't exist. I had tried to help out, but my weekend job as a waitress didn't pay much.

“Work was good,” Mama replied vaguely, “what about you, how's school?”

There was the opening I was looking for. I took a deep breath. “The High Mages visited.”

“No way!” Fain exclaimed, setting her bowl down for the first time since dinner started, “The High Mages? What did they want?”

I felt a grin making its way onto my face. “They were observing the class for anyone who was interesting. Something about wanting to find talent in our school. And…” I said, pulling the invitation out of my pocket, “tada!!!!”

Their reaction was instantaneous. Mama gasped, pulling me into a hug and Fain shouted, jumping on top of the two of us. My smile couldn't have been bigger.

“Don't crumple the invitation,” I teased.

Mama immediately pulled away, taking the invitation into her hands. “Cypress Valley! Oh, sweetie, I'm so proud of you.”

My family gave me another bone-crushing hug, and for a second it felt like I had nothing to worry about.

It wasn't long before I was getting ready for bed. I almost wanted to start practicing for the Cypress entry exams now, but Mama was stern. I had to get my rest.

Fain and I shared a room. Our beds were touching opposite walls in the tiny bedroom. Mama had already kissed us goodnight—yes, she still did that and I loved it—and I wasn't ready to put the excitement of the day to bed. I curl up under my blankets, I turned towards Fain, ready to gush more about everything.

Fain had also turned on her side, facing me because she knew I had lots to tell.

I recounted the day to him, starting with when Kai approached me about the potions. Fain was a good listener, keeping snarky remarks to a minimum. She also reacted at appropriate moments with ‘ _ooh_ ’ and ‘ _no way_ ’ or the occasional ‘you did  _ what!? _ ’

“And then I was leaving class when I got the invitation.” In all the excitement, I had forgotten about the cute boy I met. “Hey, Fain? You remember that High Mage who joined two or three years ago, right?”

Fain propped herself up onto her elbows. “Alexander Katsaros? What about him?”

“Oh, um, nothing. I just forgot his name. He was the one who gave me my invitation.”

Alexander Katsaros. So that was his name.

“Alexander Katsaros is pretty cool, he was only fourteen when he was first recruited for the High Mages.”

“Fourteen?” I said in disbelief, “That's way too young, he must be a magical genius.”

“Yea, they picked him during his entrance exams. Skipped school and went straight to becoming a High Mage.”

“Lucky him.”

“Some people say he only became a High Mage because of his relationship to Evangeline Katsaros.”

The air in the room soured. “Relationship?”

“They're siblings or something.”

I sighed in relief. So they weren't in a relationship, they were just siblings. I should've known, Alexander couldn't have been older than me. Besides, Evangeline was almost a decade older than Alexander, but the way Fain worded it scared me. 

“It's ridiculous,” Fain ranted, “people think Evangeline Katsaros made the High Mages recruit Alexander Katsaros.”

“It's  _ pretty _ dumb,” I agreed, “but it's also  _ pretty _ late, so we should sleep.”

“You never want to sleep. Is there something you're not telling me, Amirah Rayne?”

“It's nothing, Fayette Rayne,” I said, copying Fain by using her full name.

“Are you sure? Are you super-duper, actually, one-hundred percent, absolutely sure?”

“Shut up and sleep.” 

I put my blanket over my head, ending the conversation. Alexander Katsaros… he had piqued my interest—to put it lightly. I didn't think I'd ever get the chance to see him again, but what he said still stuck to me.

‘ _If things go well, I'll be lucky enough to see you around_.’ 


	2. Everything is Not Fine

I had a dream that night.

I was watching over Mama's potion shop when a customer came in. She didn't look like she was from around here, with her braided orange hair and light skin. She looked more like the folk from Illindame.

_ ‘I can't sleep, you have to sing me a lullaby,’ _ she demanded.

I tried to think of any lullabies I knew, but I couldn't think of anything. I just had to sing… but I couldn't. Why couldn't I, if Mama did this every day?

I knew what to do. I'd give her a tonic for restless sleep. I could do that, I used to take that potion all the time when I was younger.

There were more customers now, and they all wanted the potion. I turned to the pantry, to get it for them, but then I froze.

Which one was for restless sleep?

I examined the two liquids, one was clear and blue, and the other was dark and clumpy.

My brain told me it was the clear and blue potion, but the potion I made yesterday was dark and clumpy. So which was it?

There were more customers now, angry and demanding.  _ ‘We just want to sleep,’  _ they said _ , ‘sing us a lullaby!’ _

But I couldn't sing, I couldn't even speak. My throat was sealed shut. I turned back to the potions there were more now, a variety of colours and consistency.

Which one was it? This was my job, I told Mama I could do this. But why couldn't… why didn't I know?

The irritated crowd was now an angry mob, people banging their fists against the counter, shouting for a lullaby.

The orange-haired lady was back, shaking her head.  _ ‘This—’ _ she gestured to the crowd  _ ‘—could've all been avoided. All you had to do was sing a lullaby.’ _

And then she was lunging at me, her hands closing around my throat. The crowd was cheering her on, and I could feel tears gathering in my eyes.

_ ‘You could've saved us all, bunny,’  _ she said. 

Her fingers tightened around my throat, squeezing my windpipe until everything went black.

I woke up with a start.

Fain, who had been sitting in bed with a book, looked at me curiously, but I ignored her. I slowly took in measured breaths, trying to calm down my raging heartbeat. 

“How long have you been up?” I asked Fain, my voice croaky from sleep.

“I dunno, all night? I was just gonna wake you up, it's almost sunrise.”

True to Fain's words, I could see the beginnings of sunlight through the window. The light filtered through the mesh curtains, shining into my eyes.

I considered going back to sleep since I still had a bit of time before I had to get to work. But I was already up and the sun made it impossible to sleep again. Groaning, I got up to start my day.

The sun had completely risen by the time I was heading off for work. Mama had been asleep in her room, so I had to tiptoe to the front door as quietly as possible, to make sure she didn't wake up. 

I was greeted by quite a few people in the marketplace of Janraok as I headed to the restaurant I worked at, Raven's Cafe and Diner. I had been working there ever since I was thirteen. It was a homely place, with the lingering scent of baked goods and the ever-present musicians playing lovely music. I would even dare to say that it was the best food place in Janraok, although I was a little biased, as an employee.

I walked through the door, which chimed pleasantly. There weren't many customers right now, but it wouldn't be long before they started trickling in. I went to the staff room, where I was greeted by my coworkers. The lack of customers meant the servers had no one to serve and were, therefore, socializing in the back.

I noticed my fellow servers immediately and headed over to them. 

Camille grinned when she noticed me, running over to give me a huge hug and nearly knocking me over in the process. I returned her embrace with the same energy.

Camille was my only good friend. Of course, I was friends with the kids in my class and the other servers, but I had known Camille for longer than anyone else. Most of my life, actually.

“Amirah! We were just talking about how the High Mages visited our school.”

She dragged me towards where she had been talking to the other servers. I awkwardly waved at Théo and Nada, while trying to stumble out of Camille's grip.

I put a hand on Camille's arm, stopping her in front of Théo and Nada. “It was pretty cool when the High Mages visited. You should've seen Miss Bella, she looked like she just gave birth  _ six times _ .”

I gave Camille an urgent look. We had invented this code when we were thirteen years old, each number represented a different phrase. The number six was our code for ‘let's leave and meet up privately.’

Camille laughed. “Miss Mariam looked really nervous, too! But ugh, I think I ruined up my makeup. Could you come with me to the bathroom to check?”

I looped my arm through hers and gladly headed to the bathroom. It had been so long, I was nervous that Camille wouldn't remember.

“So what's up?” she asked me as she leaned forward to examine her face in the mirror.

“About the High Mages… they invited me to go to an Illindame school.”

“You're lying,” she exclaimed in disbelief, “I asked everyone and they all said no one got invited.”

“Well you can come over and see the invitation for yourself if you want,” I said, crossing my arms.

“So you really got invited,” she said in shock, “like  _ really _ really?”

I nodded, bracing myself for her reaction. As expected, she let out a small squeal, bouncing up and down on her heels excitedly.

“That's so cool!” she exclaimed, giving me a hug, “but girl, you have to let me dress you up. I don't wanna let you go there looking like a door.”

I wrinkled my nose. “A  _ door _ ?”

“I mean—” Camille gestured at me up and down “—you  _ never _ wear your nice clothes, you  _ never _ do your hair, and  _ god forbid _ you even touch any makeup.”

“Well, I think a braid is a perfectly reasonable hairstyle. And I don't  _ need  _ makeup.”

Camille rolled her eyes at me. “I just had this conversation with Nada. You both have such nice caramel skin,” she mused, “if you'd only let me do something with it—I was thinking blue or purple around the eyes. Maybe even silver, but that usually looks better with darker skin like mine.”

“Camille,” I interrupted, “First of all, stop comparing my skin to food, it's weird. And secondly, I'm not wearing  _ makeup _ to an  _ entrance exam _ .”

“Fi-ine,” she said in a mock annoyed voice, “but you have to wear good clothes.”

“Okay, I'll wear something pretty. Happy?”

She shook her head. “I don't trust your definition of pretty. You have to wear that grey plaid dress I got you for your birthday last year.”

“Fine, I will.”

“With the ribbon?”

“With the ribbon,” I agreed miserably.

As we left the bathroom, I mourned over what I had gotten myself into. She always managed to convince me to do things I knew I'd regret, and yet, I could never say no to her. That didn't stop me from cursing Camille out under my breath.

“What was that?” she asked me with a huge smile on her face. She was in a better mood from before after bullying me into doing as she said.

“It was nothing. I was just calling you an idiot in Kufni.”

She frowned at me. “I'm not just  _ an _ idiot, I'm  _ the _ idiot who's saving your life. And that's not fair, I wanna swear at people in a cool different language. You should teach me!”

I shook my head curtly. “I can barely speak Kufni myself, and you expect me to teach you?”

“Well, you either teach me or only speak Onzhish to me. I don't like it when I don't understand your insults.”

“Onzhish it is.”

“That's not what you were supposed to say,” Camille grumbled, swatting me, “we should go back now, I'm pretty sure I hear customers.” 

She pulled me into one last hug. “I think I forgot to mention this,” she said into my hair, “but I'm really, really, super-duper proud of you.”

“Um, I'm proud of you too,” I said, hugging her back. 

I didn't follow Camille, instead, I decided to head back to the bathroom. I hadn't changed into my apron for work yet.

I felt a throbbing headache start to form. I rolled my eyes. I was just starting to feel normal again, but now the headaches are back.

The light of the bathroom, which used to look warm, was now harsh on my eyes. I massaged my temples, before splashing some water into my face. But when I looked back into the mirror, I almost stumbled back.

For a second— it almost looked like— my eyes—

I noticed some movement out of the corner of my eyes. I flinched violently, before snapping my head towards whatever was moving.

It was my hands. They were surrounded by this inky black smoke. I shook my hand, trying to get rid of whatever it was. But it wasn't shaking off. Instead, the smoke was starting to climb up my hands, I watched in horror as it engulfed my elbows.

I screwed my eyes shut, praying to every god I knew to save me from whatever demonic possession was taking place.

I opened my eyes again. The smoke was gone. I rushed to the mirror, and sure enough, my eyes were also back to normal. 

“Okay, that was weird,” I told myself.

For a second I had imagined my eyes were completely pitch black, no whites. And then I hallucinated my arms being swallowed by black smoke. And I thought I was being possessed?  _ ‘Demons don't even exist _ ,’ I reminded myself

“Way to go, Amirah Rayne, you're going insane—that rhymed.”

* * *

It was well into the evening before the rush at work ended.

I was exhausted. At some point, I had put my hair into a bun, but now it was just a huge, black rat's nest on top of my head. I could tell just by touching it that it would be a mess to brush.

A week from now I would be at Illindame. I didn't know how I felt about that. On one hand, I was happy to try to go to a nice school, but at the same time, I was concerned. 

With me gone, how would Mama afford all the bills herself? We were already barely getting by, but now adding the price of two children going to Illindame? I tried not to think about it, it wasn't as though I had already passed the entrance exam. I would worry about it when it actually happens. If it actually happens.

“Amirah! Amirah!” I whirled around, recognizing Fain's voice. 

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?” I asked her, acting jokingly disgusted, “shouldn't you be in your evening classes?”

But she didn't have a joking expression on her face. “Something happened to Mama.”

I blinked. The world became a blur around me, except for myself and Fain. “What do you mean ‘something happened to Mama,’” I said slowly.

“I don't know,” Fain said, tearing up, “she came home early saying she felt sick—and then she started coughing up blood.”

“And you just left her there!? C'mon, we have to go.”

I grabbed her arm, pulling her with me to the exit of the building. I stopped Camille on my way out, telling her I had to leave early.

My mind was racing as I rushed back home with Fain. What had happened to Mama? Was she really badly sick?

Before I knew it, I was home. My hand trembled as I put my keys into the door's lock.

Mama seemed normal, she was sitting on the sofa, like she usually did when she came home from work.

“Mama! Are you ok?”

She looked up at me. From a closer view, I could tell she was absolutely exhausted. “I'm  _ fine. _ You didn't have to leave work for me.”

Fine!? I glared at Mama, crossing my arms. “Fain said you were coughing up blood. Was she lying?”

“You don't have to worry. Amirah, baby, why don't you make me some tea since you're here?”

Mama didn't deny that she was coughing up blood and she was changing the subject. Two telltale signs that she was lying.

I gestured at Fain to go make tea for Mama. Surprisingly, Mama didn't stop me when I tried to check up on her. I kneeled next to her to perform a proper checkup as Mama did at work.

It occurred to me that Fain should've been doing this since she was the one who was studying healing magic. But I had actually helped at Mama's potion-making business, so I knew what to do. Besides, Fain couldn't heal someone unless she knew what was going on.

“Mama, you're burning up, and your heartbeat is going crazy.”

Suddenly, I felt dizzy. For a second I thought it was my headaches from earlier today, but this felt different. Something was squeezing my chest, right over my heart, making it hard to breathe.

I sat down on the floor. I was sure that if I kept kneeling the way I was, I would pass out.

“Fain? Could you get Mama something for a fever?” I asked. 

I wanted to help Fain out, but Fain knew how to do healing magic without potions. And I wouldn't be very helpful right now, I barely felt like I could stand up.

Fain came into the room with the tea she made. She sat beside Mama, preparing to do her healing magic. 

Okay, Amirah, deep breaths. ‘ _ the potion for fevers is easy _ ,’ I recited to myself,  _ ‘I've made it so many times I could probably brew it in my sleep’ _

I recognized the feeling, the dizziness and shortness of breath. It was the same thing I felt whenever I thought of Papa. I only had a few hazy memories of him before he died, and I didn't like thinking of them. 

But whatever. It had been years since I thought of Papa, and I wasn't about to start now. I wasn't the same person I was back then, I knew how to deal with bad feelings now.

So, the potion for fevers. It started with bringing six cups of water to a boil. In a separate bowl, I'd mix sugar, dragon blood, and a handful of mint leaves.

I continued to go through the recipe in my head until I could imagine myself at my desk in school. A textbook in hand, ingredients and supplies in front of me. I was calm, collected, I knew what I was doing.

I could hear Fain chanting healing spells to Mama, but I focused on calming myself.

Everything will be okay. Everything will be just fine.

Yeah, everything would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda made Amirah sound like a pick me girl during the first half of this chapter whoops


	3. “Do Entrance Exams, It'll Be Fun,” They Said

Time went by faster than I thought and before I knew it, I was getting ready for the entrance exams in Illindame.

True to my word, I wore that dress Camille told me to. It was a little shorter than I remembered, only reaching my knees. Although I had told Camille I would, I didn't put on the ribbon. It just felt too extra.

“Am I the only one who's bothered by how your hair is as long as your dress?” Fain said.

I threw a hairbrush at her. “My hair's not that long. The dress is longer.”

“Close enough.”

Fain had a point. I had been growing my hair out my whole life. My long hair combined with my short stature, made my hair reach all the way down to my mid-thighs. 

“I don't get why you're so worked up over your appearance. They're going to be judging your magic, not your clothes.”

“There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good,” I told Fain. 

There was a chance that the High Mages were going to be there. They usually made an appearance at schools in Illindame, holding special classes and judging in exams. So if the High Mages were there, I had a chance to run into a certain someone.

I brushed my hair until it shined before pulling it into a braid. I hadn't gotten any sleep last night. My nerves made it hard to lay still in bed, let alone try to get some sleep. Every time I would close my eyes, I imagined myself at Cypress Valley in Illindame. On top of that, I had to wake up extra early in order to get ready and travel to Illindame in time.

Mama had already left for work, despite me insisting that she should rest. We still hadn't addressed her coughing up blood, and it made my stomach twist with worry.

Fain insisted on accompanying me to the neighbouring village, Midafha, where I would be taking multiple carriages all the way to Illindame.

I couldn't help but think of a few months ago when I had been the one dropping Fain off for her entrance exams at Heritage Academy. Now it was up to me to return home with good news like Fain had.

I said my goodbyes to Fain before mounting my first carriage. We stopped in multiple villages and cities, where I would switch from one carriage to the other.

It wasn't long before I was in Illindame. I admired the view, marvelling at the sunlight glittering off the buildings. Illindame was beautiful. Everything was nice and polished, with towers that reached the sky and smooth paved roads and sidewalks. 

I found my attention diverted by the sound of music. Street performers! They were playing their instruments while dancing on the sidewalks, coaxing the citizens into giving them spare change.

Laughter bubbled out of me. I was here. In Illindame; the city of dreams, the city of happiness and beautiful music.

But I wasn't here to dawdle.

Entrance exams in Cypress Valley followed a certain schedule. On the first day—which was today—there will be a simple task, one to determine basic spellcasting skills. Everyone who passed that (most students) would later be invited back to Cypress Valley for a series of tests. Over the course of a week, we would be tested on various different skills, both magical and non–magical. 

Cypress Valley was just as extravagant as any other building in Illindame, with high arches and marble statues. I was lucky that there were staff members at the door, checking invitations and directing us to where we would be situated. I didn't think I'd be able to navigate the monstrous building myself.

So here I was, standing in a massive line, using all of my willpower not to chicken out. I had been waiting in line for an hour, only to have my invitation checked and returned and led to another line. 

There were students of all ages here, from as young as ten years old to people well in their thirties. I heard that's how classes were in Illindame. While schools in Janraok were divided by age, schools in Illindame were divided by skill. 

Both fortunately and unfortunately, I was reaching the front of the line. I couldn't see much, even on the very tips of my toes I was dwarfed by most of the people around me. From what I overheard, the students at the very front we're being led into a room, which many people believed was the exam room.

I had also heard that the High Mages were here. Although they hadn't come to my school again, I heard multiple rumours that they were still in Janraok. Had they finished whatever business they had in my village?

The line shifted forward again, and I could finally see the door to the exam room. The sight of it made nerves bunch up in my stomach. I knew the test was supposed to be simple, but I couldn't help being nervous. 

My stomach was in knots. I closed my eyes, imagining myself at home, stocking and restocking Mama's potions. I imagined the procedure, picturing myself pushing each little vial into their place. Row after row, on the enormous shelf.

Before I knew it, I was being led to the exam room, my heart was pounding, and I felt my stomach twist oddly. What was I thinking? There was no way I could—

I found myself face to face with a door. The door to the exam room. The smooth, polished, door. 

I composed myself. Adjusting my clothes and hair, straightening my back, clearing my throat. 

Putting my hand on the doorknob, I twisted it. I took a breath. No time for hesitation. 

I pushed the door open.

For a brief second, I wondered if the door was supposed to be pulled instead of pushed, and if I had just made an idiot out of myself, but then the door was opening.

I stepped into the room. Immediately I noticed the table with a mug on it before I focused my attention on the unfamiliar people, who introduced themselves as principals and administrators, but their names went right over my head.

I was relieved when I noticed that the High Mages weren't here. Maybe I was a little disappointed too, but ultimately, fewer people meant fewer nerves.

“Hi,” my attention was snagged by someone, “I'm Ryan Donne, I'll be walking you through this task.”

“Oh, um, hello. I'm Amirah” I shook his hand. “Nice to meet you”

So the High Mages were here, I recognized the name. I looked around for the rest of them, but only Ryan was in this room. It made sense actually, Ryan wasn't one of the High Mages that visited our school. Perhaps the High mages split up, half of them in Janraok and the other half in Illindame?

I considered Ryan Donne, the Mage of Water. The first thing I noticed about him was his troublemaker smile. He looked easygoing, unlike most of the High Mages I'd met. He reminded me of the type of customer I was used to avoiding at work. 

“You're probably nervous, so I'll take you through this quickly. The first task is pretty simple; all you have to do is make this mug float and then set it back down on the table without breaking it. You can use any type of magic to accomplish this.”

I was shocked. The test was beyond easy. Fain had told me it would be simple spellcasting, but I hadn't expected it to be this simple.

“That's it?”

“I know it's a little underwhelming. But we're going to be starting small and making the tests harder as the exam goes on,” he said with a roll of his eyes. “between you and me, I think they're just giving the kids a chance to back out before it's too late.” 

I resisted an eye roll of my own. Why would anyone want to back out of such an esteemed school? It made sense for him to think that. His fair skin and brown hair made it clear that he was born and probably raised in the luxury of Onzha. I was also born and raised in Onzha, but I heard the stories of immigration that the village folk in Janraok loved telling. If the people here knew how difficult it was, they wouldn't be giving up their chance for education in Illindame.

I turned my attention onto the mug. It was small, ceramic, slightly chipped. 

“Whenever you're ready.”

I took in a deep breath, going through the procedure I had done multiple times as a kid. Focus on what I want. Imagine it happening.

I had learned this when I was five years old. I closed my eyes, waiting for the familiar tingle of magic, from the tips of my fingers to my feet planted on the ground. 

But it never came. 

Instead, I was hit with a sharp headache, the worst one yet. I resisted the urge to double down in pain. The task was simple. I think I could still do this, despite the pain.

I firmly planted my feet onto the floor and closed my eyes. Sure, my head was pounding, but I had a goal. A purpose. I wasn't going to let myself back down. 

When I opened my eyes again, I saw the eyes of the Cypress Valley administration on me and my careful focus shattered. I tried to refocus myself, convince my mind to harmonize with my body, but it wasn't listening. I could feel the nervous lump rising in my throat, threatening to take over.

‘ _Focus on the object, kitten_.’ 

The memory hit me like a wave. So familiar, and yet so far away. Who had said that?

‘ _Now close your eyes and imagine it doing what you want it to do_.’

My head felt like it was going to split in two. I could feel a tug in my mind, painfully insistent. It was beckoning, wanting me to let go.

So I did.

The sensation filled me almost immediately, making me gasp. I felt so far away from this world like I was dreaming. Yet, for some reason, I had never been so awake. As if I had been drowning my whole life, and I had finally taken my first breath. 

And then I was falling. No, flying upwards. I could feel the wind whistling in my ears, my hair whipping around me. I couldn't open my eyes, something told me I didn't want to try.

The whistling in my ears was starting to get louder, almost unbearably so. It didn't even sound like the wind whistling anymore. It almost sounded… it sounded like…

Screaming. Cries, whimpers, yells for loved ones. And the fire, it was everywhere. I could feel it on my skin, but I kept my eyes screwed shut.

‘ _You're stronger than you know, Amirah_.’

‘ _Amirah_.’ the voice echoed over and over. Someone was calling me. I followed its call. 

It was closer now, louder too. I broke into a run, leaving the fire and crying behind me. I was close, so close.

‘ _Amirah_ …’

So close… I just had to open my eyes. 

“Amirah! Amirah?” 

I groaned. The faraway feeling vanished. And all of a sudden, I was back in the exam room, bright lights beating down on me and the scent of cleaning liquid filling up my senses.

I was… on the floor? Someone's arms were supporting me, laying me down gently against the plush carpet.

“Can someone please get a healer here!?”

A healer? For me? My head was throbbing, the lights in the room burning through my eyelids. Slowly, I wrenched my eyes open, only to be met with a familiar sight.

Wide, panicked eyes. Brown hair that flopped into his eyes. My heart swooped.

My first thought? I should've listened to Camille and worn makeup.

My second? Panic.

“What happened?” I asked.

I let Alexander Katsaros help me into a sitting position against the wall. My heart was thumping wildly, but I wasn't sure if it was because of him or what happened.

“I'm not exactly sure what happened, I just came and saw you collapse,” he admitted.

That's when Ryan rushed in with a healer. She took Alexander's place next to me.

From this close, I realized that the healer was actually Evangeline Katsaros, the Mage of Healing.

“I thought you guys were still in Janraok,” I stated.

Evangeline smiled pleasantly. “Janraok isn't far from Illindame, we travel between the two,” she explained, “now, can you tell me which month it is?”

“It's November. Wait no, December now,” I buried my face into my hands, “I'm so stupid, I'm sorry.”

My one relief was that Alexander wasn't here to witness my idiocy. He was having a hushed conversation with Ryan and the Cypress Valley Administration. God, I hoped it wasn't about me.

“I wouldn't worry about it too much,” Evangeline assured me, “It's normal for people to feel disorientation after passing out. Now please hold your arm out for me.”

I watched as she placed her hands on me, my arm glowing softly where our skin touched. If Fain studied well enough, she would be able to perform magic like this. Speaking of my sister, I couldn't wait to tell her about how I met Evangeline.

“Can you tell me what happened?” she asked as she worked her magic.

“I'm not sure,” I admitted, “one second I was trying to do the magic and then I got a headache. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor.”

“What did the headache feel like? Any specific part of your head that was hurting?”

“I'm not sure… the pain felt all over. I also felt a little dizzy, I think.”

“Blood pressure is normal, the pulse is slightly elevated,” Evangeline stated, mainly to herself, “May I check your blood sugar?”

I nodded. For some reason, I didn't want to tell her what I had seen. Some weird vision-memory? A dream? Did people even dream when they fainted? Whatever it was, I was certain it wasn't normal, and I wasn't exactly eager to share that.

“Okay. It'll just be a little pinch.”

Evangeline pulled a strange needle device out of her satchel. Did she just carry medical equipment around with her? I felt a sharp pain as Evangeline pricked the device against my finger. The pain didn't last though, quickly turning into a warm burn against my finger as the cut began to bleed.

Evangeline then scraped the blood onto a swab, handing me a bandaid. I bandaged myself as I watched her work her magic on my blood. She continued to ask me questions as she worked her magic, and I tried to answer as truthfully as I could, without mentioning the dream-memory-vision I had.

“Is she okay?” Ryan had finished his conversation. I noticed that Alexander was no longer in the room. I was a little thankful, to be honest, I didn't trust myself to act normal with Alexander in the room.

“Blood pressure is also normal. She doesn't seem to be in any immediate danger.” Evangeline turned towards me, “I still think you should see another healer as soon as possible for further tests, but it's nothing too serious. You'll live.”

“So what does this mean? For the exam, I mean.” I asked.

“You're going to have to ask Ryan.” Evangeline and I turned towards Ryan.

“Well since you passed out, it's only fair that you get a second chance. So you'll have to go to the end of the line and try again, I guess.”

I nodded. I thanked Evangeline and Ryan for helping me before heading out. On my way out, I ran into Alexander again. Literally.

I barely avoided bashing his head in with a door. “Oh god, I'm so sorry!”

“It's no biggie. See? I'm still in one piece!” He said with a chuckle.

I laughed, fiddling with my hair. “It's only a matter of time,” I stage-whispered, “the doors are gonna get you one day.”

I remembered how Camille insulted me by saying I dressed like a door, but I quickly chased that thought away. Camille would be proud of me right now.

“I guess I should watch out then. For doors and for Amirah Rayne.”

I blushed when I heard my name, I loved the way he said it. Not because he had an accent or anything, I just liked his voice.

“I guess I should be thanking you for helping me when I passed out.”

“All in a day's work,” he said, giving me a small bow, “See you soon?”

“You too—I mean, yeah. I'll see you soon,” I said, returning what I hoped looked like a curtsy, “bye!”

The euphoria vanished as soon as I walked away, replaced with my reality. Ryan said it was okay for me to try again, but I knew it wouldn't work. My magic was broken for some reason, I haven't been able to use a single spell for weeks. Passing put was the last straw.

I knew it wasn't my fault. Technically, I couldn't control whether I passed out or not, but I couldn't help feeling disappointed. I had failed my entrance exam on the very first, easiest task.

Humiliation prickled in my throat. I hadn't done any magic, but I still felt completely drained. My eyelids drooped, and I had to dig my nails into my palms to wake myself up. I knew that if I tried to do magic I could pass out again, or even worse.

I kept my head low as I passed by the line of students, making sure everyone didn't notice the tears beginning to gather in my eyes. 

I didn't stop when I got to the back of the line. Instead, I made my way straight out of Cypress Valley, hailing the first carriage I saw. I needed to leave, get out.

It was only when Illindame was completely out of sight that I let the tears begin to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter from the summary... I hope it wasn't underwhelming!


	4. My Coffin Gets To Wait

I watched nervously as the healer worked his magic, his eyes closed in strict concentration.

It had been a few days since I visited Illindame, and I had been trying to forget the entrance exams had even happened. I hadn't told Mama and Fain about how I had passed out, we already had one sick family member to look after. One very stubborn, sick family member.

This was the fourth healer we had seen this week. After my failure in Cypress Valley, I used all my school savings to see as many Healers as possible for Mama. I wasn't going to get another invitation to an exam any time soon, so there was no use saving up money for a school I wasn't going to. So far, none of the healers had found anything. Number four must be lucky, right?

I watched as the healer worked his magic. Dr. Satre, I think his name was. Much like Evangeline Katsaros had done when I passed out, he held a swab of Mama's blood. His fingers glowed softly where they held the swab.

I watched as the glow subsided. Dr. Satre sighed, placing the swab aside.

“What is it? Do you know what's going on?” I asked him.

“I'm not sure,” he told me, “this isn't a hospital, without proper equipment I can't do much.”

I crossed my arms. “So let me guess—this is all you can do? And now I have to pay you for telling me the same thing every other healer has told me?”

We stared at each other for a moment before I sighed, handing Dr. Satre a pouch of gold. “Thank you for the help,” I told him, defeated.

I led Dr. Satre to the door, thanking him for his help. I wanted to be angry at him for being useless, but I knew it wasn't logical.

“I guess number four wasn't as lucky as we thought,” Mama said as I shut the door closed.

I glared at her. “You need a hospital. We both know it.”

“It'll be fine,” Mama insisted, “You know we can't afford a hospital.”

I threw my hands up in frustration. “So what, then? Am I supposed to just watch you wither away?”

“You're supposed to be focusing on school. The last thing I want is for you to worry.”

“You don't want me to worry? That's rich,” I laughed humorlessly, “Look at me, Mama! I'm worrying! Fain's worrying! I don't know what you're trying to achieve with this whole ‘I'm strong and everything is going to be okay’ act, but it's not working!”

Mama reached over to me, but the small movement made her break into a fit of coughing. I immediately went over to help her, my previous anger is forgotten. I gently helped Mama back onto her seat.

I was glad Fain wasn't here to witness that argument. She had been staying up all night. I knew it because I could hear her sniffling when she thought I was asleep.

“Amirah,” Mama said, grabbing my arm, “listen.”

“If it's about what I said, forget it. I never should've—”

“No, it's not that,” Mama cut me off, “listen.”

I froze, straining my ears. At first, there was nothing, but then I heard it.

Dozens of screams, crying and yelling. Mama and I exchanged panicked glances before I rushed to the door. 

I flung my front door open, dreading the sight outside. Much like me, many others in the neighbourhood had come out of there house, they were all looking somewhere. At something.

A plume of smoke rose up into the sky, blotting out the sun. I could see the unnatural orange glow of fire covering the marketplace. That only meant one thing. 

A dragon attack.

In the marketplace.

Oh no.

I blanched. Fain. Her evening classes were near the marketplace. She was supposed to be at home by now. What if she was outside? I pictured her in danger, scared, alone.

I couldn't breathe. My sister. I felt a familiar panic seize my body. I had to get to her. I had to make sure she was safe. I had to—

“Where are you going?” Mama had latched onto my arm, but I immediately shook her off.

“Fain. She might be out there all alone, I have to go.”

“Are you crazy? There's no way—”

But I had stopped listening. The thought of my sister drove me forward, silencing the voice of reason in my head.

I could see people running from the marketplace into our neighbourhood. I raced towards them, stopping one of them in their tracks. I recognized him as one of Fain's friends.

“What happened? Where's my sister!?” I demanded.

“I don't know!” he yelled, flinching at my harsh tone.

I immediately softened, he couldn't have been older than fourteen. He trembled slightly.

“We were hanging out at Jamie's place. I ran when the dragon attacked, I don't know where everyone else went.” he continued.

The sound of an explosion rang out, causing the crowd of spectators to scream and push backwards. Over the top of their heads, I noticed a plume of smoke rise up from a building. 

Fain was out there, I pictured her. My sister. My bright-eyed, sometimes annoying, smiley, sister.

And before I knew it, I was pushing through the crowd of spectators, heading into the fray.

The marketplace was in chaos. Merchants had abandoned their stalls, customers ducking into the closest store for cover, even the horses had abandoned their carriages.

The dragon itself wasn't in sight, but I could see the signs of its arrival everywhere. The singe marks on the ground. Fallen booths. Destroyed stores. The smell of smoke, the screams, overbearing.

I couldn't help but think of the vision I had seen when I passed out. It felt so similar to this, and yet so different. A strange déja vû

I ducked behind a booth to avoid being trampled by the crowd. Fain's friend said they were with Jamie. I recognized the name, she was the seamstress' kid. I once worked for her mom.

I made a mad dash to the store. I didn't care who I pushed, stumbling over debris as my feet pounded on the pavement.

I spotted it, the seamstress' store. Bright gowns pinned onto upturned mannequins, shattered glass decorating the entrance.

I burst through the door, ignoring the yelps of surprise. I scanned the room, looking for a familiar head of black hair. It was empty.

Fain and her friends must've decided to run. 

Idiots.

I cursed in every single language I knew, before running out of the store. Ignored the crunch of broken glass under my shoes. The smell of smoke greeted me, and I placed an arm over my nose.

One of the glass pieces tore through my shoes, embedding itself into my foot. I cried out as I fell, my hands flailing for purchase. I managed to catch myself, letting my arms take the brunt of the fall. I landed onto a bed or broken glass on my knees and arms, scraping up my skin and tearing through my clothes.

“Help!” I tried to shout, but it came out as a helpless croak, “Someone please help me!”

But the crowd was massive, filled with people trying to head home. Some were shouting out names of a loved one, others preaching that the attack was already over. 

There was no way my voice would carry over the cacophony. I could feel tears starting to form in my eyes, a mixture of pain and frustration. I grit my teeth together, bracing myself to yell again when—

“Amirah!”

Someone's hands hooked themselves Inver my armpits, pulling me up. I recognized her voice right away, sighing in relief. I was able to pull myself up completely with Fain's help, but the glass shard was still lodged into my right foot.

Using Fain as a crutch and favouring my left leg heavily, Fain and I managed to shuffle over to cover. We ducked into an alleyway between the seamstresses' place and another store. My sister promptly dumped me on the floor.

“Ow!” I hissed, hot tears streaming down my face, “what was that for?”

“Sorry! You're just really heavy,” Fain squeaked.

I gingerly propped myself against a wall, trying to ignore the bloody handprints left by my injured arms. My body screamed in pain with every little movement, but I needed to check the cut on my foot.

I shifted my leg slightly and immediately gasped at the sharp pain that shot up my body. I pressed a fist into my mouth, not wanting Fain to hear me cry in pain.

“Wait, lemme see that.” Fain knelt next to me placing both her hands on my body.

“Fain what are you—”

She shushed me, closing her eyes. I watched in bewilderment as she began to hum. I was about to interrupt her again when I noticed her hands emitting a white glow. 

I watched in amazement as the glow travelled up my body, and I felt all my pain slowly work its way out of my body. My body was strangely warm where Fain's glow touched my skin, and it took me a moment to realize that Fain had healed me.

Fain took her hands off me, slumping forward. I caught her, laying her against the wall next to me.

“Did you just heal me… using singing?”

Fain grinned sheepishly. “It's a bit of a long story—but first, we have to get out of here.”

I nodded, helping Fain up. The healing she had done completely exhausted Fain's energy, so she leaned heavily against me. 

I began shoving my way through the crowd towards Janraok. Mama would be furious when we'd tell her what happened. And Fain's healing! I couldn't wait to tell her about that. I could picture us, sitting with—

The crowd screamed. They began surging backward, taking me with them. I grasped onto Fain tightly, not letting her slip away. Had everyone here gone mad? Why would they suddenly— 

Then it hit me. I snapped my head towards the sky, and I saw it.

The dragon flew into view, spitting flames onto anything in sight. The sun silhouetted its large form, a dark mass looming over us.

A scarlet ball of flame was hurled in my direction. I screamed as it hit a fallen stall behind me, promptly bursting into flames. 

A second scream caught in my throat. I could feel the heat on my skin, watching is disturbed fascination as the flames licked up the wood, smoke curling into the sky.

The warmth in my skin, just like I had felt in my vision. Faintly, I could hear a call. A familiar voice, beckoning me to let go.

And then Fain was pulling me away, practically flinging me in the opposite direction. I tumbled away from the fire, scraping my arms and knees on the road.

“Are you insane!?” she berated me, “You almost got yourself burned!”

“Are you hurt?” I asked, ignoring her question. I held her face in my hands, wiping away a smudge of dirt. Did I really try to walk into the fire?

“I'm not hurt, I'm fine.”

I pulled Fain into a hug, squeezing her until she couldn't breathe. The gravity of the situation truly hit me, I would've gotten hurt. Fain would've gotten hurt.

She hugged me back just as fiercely. For a moment we stayed frozen like that, sobbing our fears and worries away. We were safe. For now.

And then I heard the unmistakable sound of wings. A low growl sent shivers up my spine. I heard the thud of a dragon landing behind me, the force of the action sending a cloud of dust billowing up.

Oh god no.

Ever so slowly, I turned around, shielding Fain with my body. And there it was.

Another low growl. The dragon stood a distance away from us, taller than any of the shops in the area, and three times as long. Its spiked tail thrashed back and forth, slamming into the ground with lethal force. Black scales glittered in the sunlight, and a bit of smoke puffed out of its nostrils. 

Familiar. Why did it feel familiar?

The insistent tug was back, stronger than ever. It wasn't even a tug anymore, more of a sharp pull.

And then I clutched my head, bent over in pain. Bile was rising up my throat, and my stomach churned. 

The world spun around me. ‘No, I can't faint right now,’ I told myself. I focused back on the dragon… it was just standing there, watching, waiting.

“Amirah,” Fain clung onto my arm, “we're going to die.”

“No. I'll protect you, Fain, if it's the last thing I—urrrgh!”

The pain was overwhelming, the fear even stronger. And yet it was familiar. A so, so, familiar feeling, set deep in my bones.

A pounding of footsteps, and then I could see the High Mages. But they were far away. Too far away.

Something wanted me to let go, but I resisted the urge. I had to stay conscious. My life depended on it.

The dragon also noticed the High Mages. It's screeched at them, taking a step closer towards me.

I felt Fain's hand tighten around my sleeve. I had to protect her. I had to protect her.

My head felt like it was going to split in two, and I cried out, doubling over in pain. The dragon's head snapped towards me, slowly closing in.

This was it. There was no way I would survive this. I would die at the age of 17, not graduated, never in love. I wouldn't see my friends again. I wouldn't see my family—

My family.

I thought of Papa, who faced a dragon and didn't make it back alive. He wouldn't want me to suffer the same fate. I wondered if he'd be proud of the way I tried to protect Fain.

I thought of Mama, walking me to my first day of school. Mama, who stayed up all night with me when the bad dreams wouldn't go away. Mama, who never wanted to see me hurt.

Fain, smiling as she proudly displayed her invitation to heritage academy.

Fain, who was still behind me.

Fain, who would die with me.

The dragon was closer now. I could make out the rows of sharp teeth on its jaw. The dragon picked up its pace, charging at me.

I threw my hands up, covering my face. I screwed my eyes shut, bracing myself.

A fire erupted at the base of my neck, flooding my entire body. White light pierced my eyes, and I heard myself distantly cry out. 

I wanted everything to stop. I wanted the dragon to stop.

So I let go.

Another round of hot pain rolled over me, and I screamed. Every fibre of my body was burning. But I had never felt so awake, so alive. 

I couldn't feel the ground on my feet. I couldn't feel anything but the fire, burning its way into my skull.

I heard a loud roar, but it was muffled, so far away. I was so far away...

“Amirah…”

Fain's voice shattered the illusion of distance. For a moment it felt as if I was floating, but then I was falling, falling forward.

I let out a strangled gasp as I landed on my knees, hard. 

I whipped my head towards the dragon, only to find it stopped in its tracks. Its limbs and body were surrounded by inky black smoke, but slowly the smoke disappeared before my eyes, melting into nothing.

Had… had I done that?

I snapped my attention towards the High Mages, but their eyes were on me, frozen in a mixture of shock and horror. I looked towards Fain, and she looked just as surprised.

The dragon was gaining its bearings again, it shook its head side to side as if it were shaking off its disorientation.

Fear clawed up my throat. I wanted to run, but my legs were rooted in place. I couldn't talk. I couldn't even breathe.

The dragon's eyes, wise with age and dark as abyss met mine.

And then it lowered its head into a bow


	5. Turns Out I'm Special, or Something

I fiddled with the bandages wrapped around my palm, trying to resist the urge to itch at my linen-covered hands.

It was safe to say that Mama didn't appreciate it when both her daughters came home, covered in blood and dust.

I had been so stupid, putting my life in danger and making Mama worry. But deep down I knew that I'd do it a thousand times if it meant saving Fain.

I glanced towards Fain, who was asleep in her bed. She had promptly passed out as soon as she had come home, at first I thought she had fainted, but that wasn't the case.

It was the magic Fain had used. Although she hadn't entirely healed my cuts, she had exhausted herself too much. 

And if I was being honest, I was also really exhausted. Ever since Mama had bandaged up my arms and legs an hour ago, I had been drifting in and out of sleep, but I couldn't nap for more than a few minutes.

I wasn't exactly sure what had happened. It all felt like a bit of a blur, a faraway dream. One second I was bracing myself to die and saying my final prayer, and the next thing I knew the dragon was looking at me.

And then it… bowed?

I wasn't entirely sure about that last detail. I did remember grabbing Fain and running until we got home.

At some point, I must've fallen asleep because the next thing I remember was being shaken awake. I grumbled incoherently, swatting at whoever was in front of me.

“Amirah,” Fain whisper-yelled, poking me, “We need to talk about what happened.”

Why would Fain need to..? And then the events from earlier today hit me. I shot up in bed.

“What happened?” I asked.

“You controlled the shadows,” Fain said, her voice a mixture of fear and shock.

“Stop lying to me,” I deadpanned. 

It didn't make sense. Shadow mages didn't exist, they hadn't existed for a while now. And yet, I couldn't get the image of inky black smoke surrounding the dragon out of my mind.

“Are you saying you don't remember?”

“I don't remember much,” I admitted, “The last thing I remember was being face-to-face with the dragon, and everything else is just a blur.”

Fain wrinkled her nose. “That's weird. But I'm not lying,” Fain insisted, “at first I didn't think it was you. But when you looked at me your eyes were completely black, and I knew it was you doing the magic.”

My eyes were completely black? ‘Just like that one time at work,’ I reminded myself. I thought back to the black smoke surrounding my arms, the same way it had done with the dragon. I had done that, it was my magic.

“No way.”

“Yes, way,” Fain said excitedly, “you know, it was actually really cool. My sister, controlling the shadows!”

I glared at her. I had just used a form of magic that hadn't been seen in years, and her first thought is that it was cool?

“How? What exactly happened?”

“It was weird. You started clutching your head like you had a headache or something. And then something changed, and you started hovering slightly.”

Hovering? I had heard that people had a tendency to float a few inches off the ground while performing magic, but I had never expected it to happen to me.

My stomach churned unpleasantly. I didn't like this, not one bit. Shadow magic didn't exist anymore, I shouldn't be able to do it. And yet, it was the only explanation that made sense.

“Fain, you better not be messing with me. I'll never forgive you if this was some morbid joke.” 

“It's not, I swear on your potion obsession.”

I considered what Fain said. Fain knew how much I loved making potions, and we always reserved my potion obsession for serious promises.

I sighed. “Fine, I believe you. So what happened next?”

“So you were floating, and then all of a sudden shadows came around from every corner and they surrounded the dragon. They were like ropes, wrapping around it. It was so scary, the dragon couldn't move at all!”

That powerful? It couldn't be possible. It was already a crazy phenomenon that I could do shadow magic, but I was also good at it? Fain must've been exaggerating.

“And then,” Fain continued, “I said your name, 'cause I was shocked. And you turned around—and I know I already told you this, but I'll say it again—your eyes were fully black. Like I know they're normally black, but this time they were—”

“All black, no whites, I know,” I said tiredly, “and then—if I remember correctly—after that we ran.”

“Yup.”

“Hm.”

I know this should've been some big revelation to me, but I couldn't even bring myself to be shocked. So much had happened in the past few weeks, from Mama getting sick, to failing my entrance exams, and honestly, I just felt so numb. And exhausted.

I flopped back into bed, my sore joints screaming in protest. I just wanted to curl up in bed and forget about magic, and Cypress Valley, and the High—

The High Mages. They must've been there. They must've seen me. What would they think of me? 

They had hunted the dragon already, so I'm pretty sure their business in Janraok was finished. Which means they'll probably leave now, and my life could go back normal now. Well, as normal as it could get with everything going on.

“Are you just going to sleep now?” Fain asked, looking like she wanted to talk to me more.

“I'm tired,” I told her, rolling over in bed and pulling my blanket over me

For a moment she didn't say anything, and then she began shuffling away. It occurred to me that Fain might want to talk about her healing, I made a mental note to do that later. I could barely keep my eyes open, let alone keep a conversation going.

“And Fain?”

“Yes?”

“By any chance... Did the dragon bow, or something like that?

Fain scoffed. “Dragons don't do stuff like that.”

“I must've imagined it, then,” I mused, “Don't Tell Mama, I don't want her to worry.”

* * *

I scanned through the crowd in the marketplace, searching for a familiar group of heads. 

The marketplace was abuzz with energy. Sounds of people bargaining with vendors, thuds of shop doors opening and closing, and the shuffling of horse carriages were enough to make my head pound. The scent of freshly cooked food mingled with a whiff of woodsmoke from a nearby store's fireplace.

Of course, I could still see the remains of the dragon attack a week ago. There was still debris brushed into a corner, wooden planks propped up against walls, tarp hanging over broken glass displays.

“Boo!” I started when Camille snuck up behind me, flinching slightly.

“Ha-ha, very funny. Sneaking up on poor, vulnerable me,” I said, dramatically posing.

Camille giggled. For the past few hours, we had been grocery shopping together. Camille had insisted that I had been neglecting her lately, and I owed her at least some shopping time.

She looped her arm through mine, dragging me with her to our next destination. “I think I have enough spare money to get some jewellery. You?”

“Not today, sorry,” I said, “You can go ahead, I'll wait up for you.”

Camille shrugged. “It's fine, but you better not abandon me.”

I gave her a wicked grin. “No promises, I do have to get home soon.”

Camille pouted. She started to say something, but I got distracted by the feeling that someone was watching me. I looked around the marketplace, but couldn't really see anyone. Was it possible that—

“Are you even listening?”

I started for the second time today. Goosebumps erupted on my skin, and I shivered violently. “You scared me!” I complained.

Camille crossed her arms. “That's what you get for spacing out while we were talking. What were you even staring at anyways?”

“Oh, nothing,” I lied, “let's just get going.”

“Were splitting up, right? See ya later.”

“Don't be gone too long and don't forget about me!” I called out to Camille as she walked away.

I still couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. I was probably just a little on edge because of the dragon attack. 

But for some reason, I couldn't help but think that it was the High Mages. I thought they'd have left Janraok by now since they had already dealt with the dragon. But for some reason, I kept running into them. 

And avoiding them.

It had started out simple. Seeing one or two High Mages as I went around the village. Then I had seen Zaria Avci and Kai Tsen speaking to my teachers at school or Mackenzie Reid and Evangeline Katsaros showing up during my shift at work. And those were only two incidents out of almost a dozen.

It could've been a coincidence, but I didn't think so. Especially since I had used shadow magic in front of the High Mages, they would want answers. Answers I didn't have.

I sighed, raking my hands through my hair. I had been so distracted by Camille that I had almost forgotten about my groceries. I pulled out the list I had made yesterday, I hadn't even started.

I headed to the butcher's shop, where I had to make an order for meat. Camille would be busy with the jewellery for a while, so I had some time before she'd return.

The butcher was a tall, burly man, with a resting serious face. He was exactly the kind of person you'd expect to see at a butcher shop. I waited at the counter of his store while he chopped up and prepared the beef I had ordered. 

Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed a kid—the butcher's son, I assumed—sitting on the counter. He held an empty glass in his hand and judging by the mournful look on his face, it was probably once full of something delicious.

“Hey, kid,” I said, catching his attention, “wanna see something cool?”

I focused on the air in the room, manipulating it into a small breeze. Aside from potions, I had been focusing on wind magic at school and knew lots of fun tricks.

The kid giggled as my breeze tousled his hair. I had been headache-free for a while now, and I could freely do my magic again.

With a slight twist of my hands, I turned the breeze into a mini-tornado, stealing the cup out of the kid's hands. It made me think of the Cypress Valley exams, but I quickly shook that thought out of my head.

The kid shrieked gleefully and I returned the glass back into his lap. I smiled at him, watching as he hopped off the counter and ran elsewhere.

“That was an impressive trick.”

For the third time today, I nearly jumped out of my skin. I whirled around only to find myself face to face with Kai Tsen.

I turned around and ran, not giving him a chance to say anything.

At least, that's what I wanted to do. Instead, I stood there like an idiot, staring dumbly in shock. Behind Kai Tsen, I noticed Evangeline Katsaros.

“Hey, funny running into you here!” Evangeline said, waving at me, “It's a small world, isn't it?”

“More like; ‘small village’” I said.

“I think you know what we're approaching you about,” Kai Tsen stated. He was a man of few words, unlike Evangeline, Kai cut straight to the point.

I nodded numbly. Of course, I knew what this was about. The shadows. But what confused me was why the High Mages were in the butcher's shop, to begin with. They didn't do their own grocery shopping, did they?

Evangeline gave me what I think was a nervous smile. “Well, you know that shadow mages haven't been around for a while now, so you'll need to come with us, just to talk.”

The way she said it, she didn't even need to ask me. I knew from her tone that I was expected to follow quietly.

I nodded, following them out of the store. I would have to return to the butcher's tomorrow and apologize.

I'll just try to get through this as quickly as possible.


	6. Time for Life-Altering Decisions

Evangeline and Kai lead me to a slightly run-down looking motel. It had two floors, with a row of balconies. Overgrown plants decorated the building, wrapped around every available post or banister, and some of them had grown their way up the walls.  


The colder seasons had just passed, meaning I could see little dragons—no larger than the palm of my hand—buzzing around little blossoms among all the plants. One of them buzzed up to Evangeline's face, and she swatted it away, wiping her hand on her cloak when it was gone.  


If I hadn't been so nervous, I would've laughed. The High Mages, who were probably used to countless luxuries in Illindame, were forced to live in this rickety old place.   


It was even more ironic that they were living among dragons. Although I could only see a few of them, the incessant chirping and buzzing told me that there were a lot more around.  


“We're here,” Kai said, gesturing to the building.  


“I assumed as much, it looks… homely,” I said, trying to keep the nervous tremor and a hint of humour out of my voice.  


We walked into the motel. It looked nicer than I would've thought. It was also surprisingly quiet, Janraok didn't have many travellers, but this place seemed eerily empty, other than the staff. And then it occurred to me that the High Mages were rich enough to rent the whole building for themselves.  


Looking at the second floor of the motel, I could tell that it wasn't as big as it appeared from the outside. There were probably only fifteen or so rooms, and that was being generous.  


I followed Kai and Evangeline to one of the rooms. The reality of what I had gotten into hit me. I was going to see the High Mages. The High Mages wanted to see me, because of my magic.  


I dug my nails into my palms, resisting the urge to bolt. For a moment, Evangeline filled with the keys—presumably for the room—before she slotted them into their designated slot. My breath caught when she twisted the key, pushing the door open.  


And then we walked in.  


I had barely enough time to register the plush sofas, and a bed pushed into a corner before my attention was diverted. To the High Mages.  


It looked like our entry had interrupted a conversation. A few of the High Mages—Zaria Avci, Ryan Donne, and Mackenzie Reid—looked up from a huddled conversation.  


“That's her, isn't it?” Mackenzie asked, giving me a once-over. I couldn't help but stare at her mane orange curls. She had gorgeous hair.  


“The shadow mage,” Kai confirmed. He then walked up to the rest of the High Mages, starting up a hushed conversation with them.

“Wait here,” Evangeline told me before joining them.  


I twiddled with my thumbs, waiting for the High Mages to finish talking.  


I examined the room. It was clearly a bedroom, with an enormous dresser with a mirror, and an arched window that displayed the outside view. But all the furniture in the room had been pushed into separate corners, in favour of a cluster of couches in the middle.  


My eyes widened. There was a bed pushed to the far end of the room, and on top of it sat. none other than Alexander Katsaros. He held a book in his hands, which meant he must've been reading before the commotion of my arrival distracted him.  


His eyes paused on the High Mages' conversation, his expression disinterested. For a heart-stopping moment, nothing happened, and then he noticed me.   


He smiled and waved.  


Heart thumping, I waved back.  


And then he went back to reading his book. I internally congratulated myself. I now had one normal interaction with Alexander that didn't involve me somehow getting embarrassed. To be fair, he hadn't even talked to me, but one interaction is one interaction. I don't make the rules.  


“Hello.” I noticed Zaria Avci approaching me.  


“Oh, um, hi.” Five years ago, if someone had told me that I'd be face to face with Zaria Avci herself, I wouldn't have believed them. If I was being honest, I still didn't really believe it.  


“Amirah, right? Sorry for making you wait,” she said politely, “please take a seat.”  


I had to stop myself from fawning over her. Zaria was so kind and professional. The stories I had heard about her did her justice. She was just as cool as I had always imagined.  


I perched myself onto one of the sofas in the room. At this point, I noticed that all of the High Mages had their eyes on me. Even Alexander, much to my embarrassment—and glee.  


“I know I'm here about the shadow magic, but I don't think I'll be able to help,” I admitted, “I don't remember much of it.

”You don't remember?” Zaria echoed.  


“It's weird,” I said, my cheeks reddening under the attention of all the High Mages, “To put it simply, I blanked out. I had no idea what I was doing, the shadow magic was a surprise to me as well.”  


The High Mages began muttering to each other, and I kept my eyes glued to my lap. I tried to think of a single detail about how I had managed to use shadow magic, but my mind was blank. As the days had gone by, I had forgotten more and more of what happened.  


“So you have no idea where your powers came from? Or how they work?” Evangeline asked me. The ready of the High Mages quieted down, allowing Evangeline to take over the conversation.

I shook my head. “It's all so sudden. I started having these painful headaches, and then one day I just controlled the shadows.”  


The High Mages started conversing with each other again. And then Kai Tsen lifted one hand up, effectively silencing them. I had always assumed that Zaria was the leader of the group, but from the looks of it, Kai was the one who called the shots.  


“If you really know nothing about your magic, there's only one solution,” he said, leaning forward, “I want you to join the High Mages.”  


I laughed nervously. “I'm sorry—you want me to do what?”  


No way.  


No. Freaking. Way.  


I was shocked, beyond shocked. Words couldn't even describe the amount of pure shock I was experiencing. It was just so sho—  


‘ _Get yourself together, Amirah_ ,’ I told myself.  


I opened my mouth to speak, but Mackenzie beat me to it. “She can't become a High Mage,” Mackenzie said, crossing her arms, “she's not even an adult. I don't suppose we're making a habit of hiring literal children.”  


“Mackenzie's got a point,” Ryan chimed in, “I know that shadow magic is special and stuff, but recruiting the first person who can use it since ten years ago? It doesn't feel like the right idea.”  


“I agree,” Zaria said, “she is a little too young.”  


“Then what does that make me?”  


I almost jumped when I heard the voice behind me. Judging by the looks on the High Mages' faces, they also hadn't expected Alexander to speak up. I don't even think anyone noticed him leave his place in the corner and join the conversation.  


“What does that make me?” Alexander repeated, “if Amirah Rayne is a child then am I a child as well?”  


He said that like a challenge directed at Mackenzie. But Mackenzie was headstrong, she didn't back down either.  


“Yes you are,” Mackenzie said flatly.  


I felt like I was watching some sort of family feud taking place. Alexander opened his mouth to say something to Mackenzie but was cut off by Evangeline, who stood between the two of them.  


“Okay guys, we've all heard enough,” she said, “why don't we ask Amirah herself what she feels?”  


All eyes turned to me. I blanked out. “I, I don't know.”  


I felt conflicted. On one hand, becoming a High Mage was an honour that I along with every other kid in Onzha dreamed of. But it was dangerous, I had seen first hand how dangerous dragons are. Besides, what if something were to happen to me? I'd be abandoning my entire family over a foolish dream.   


“Think of it,” Kai told me as if he had sensed my internal debate, “your outbursts of magic will keep happening, and without proper training, they could be disastrous. You could potentially hurt someone.”  


I could hurt someone? I imagined the shadows, which had saved my life from the dragon, wrapping themselves around Fain. Or Mama. Or Camille. The mere thought of it made me shudder.   


“Amirah,” Kai said, “we can teach you to control it.”

* * *

I walked home in a numb haze. The sun had just started dipping below the horizon, it wouldn't be long before it was dark. The wind was cool against my face, and I could feel small plants snapping and breaking as I stepped on them.   


I had agreed to join the High Mages.  


_I had agreed to join the High Mages_.   


What was I thinking?!  


I knew exactly why I had done it. Kai was convincing, playing on my love for my family and my own insecurities regarding my magic. It was a smart tactic, but not convincing enough.  


What was my real reason to join the High Mages? It was a lot more selfish. The High Mages, they were wealthy, they earned a fortune. If I could even get a fraction of what the High Mages were paid, I could make a much, much, better life for my family.  


I wasn't sure how I should've been feeling. Becoming a High Mage was a dream come true. But was it really worth it? The High Mages would be leaving Janraok tomorrow, and I would go with them, leaving my family behind.  


The High Mages had insisted that one of them accompany me home, but I refused. The next time I would see them would be in Midafha, where I'd be leaving for Illindame.  


I arrived at home, pacing back and forth on the porch. What would Mama and Fain think? How does one tell their family that they'd be leaving the village indefinitely?  


I hovered over the door, contemplating whether I should enter or not, and what I'd say if I did. But before I could do anything, the door swung open, revealing Mama on the other side.  


“You're home,” Mama said, enveloping me in a hug.  


Mama looked awful. Her face was marked with age, and her hair was greying. She had bags under her eyes, which stood out even against Mama's dark skin.   


I stepped inside, noticing that Camille had dropped by. She was chatting with Fain, gesturing wildly.  


“Look who finally showed up,” Fain drawled, noticing me.  


Camille turned around. “Amirah! You literally disappeared,” she said, mocking angriness, “I waited for you for a while, you know?”  


“We were so worried,” Mama said, “Where were you? You didn't even bring home the groceries.”  


“I ran into the High Mages,” I said, my eyes downcast, “They… they wanted me to join them.”  


The room immediately erupted with noise. Fain and Camille were excited, jumping around and congratulating me. Mama, on the other hand, just stood there, her expression unreadable.  


“Why would the High Mages want to recruit you?” Mama asked. From behind her, Fain gave me a thumbs-up, making me smile a little.  


Fain grinned. “Can I tell her?” she asked me, bouncing on her heels, “I've been trying my best to keep it a secret, but I really, really, wanna tell Mama.”  


I nodded, letting Fain tell Mama and Camille about how I was able to control shadows. Lucky for me, Fain kept out the more dangerous-sounding details.  


Camille was thrilled, grilling Fain and me for more details. I let Fain answer her questions, my eyes drifted over to where Mama stood. Mama's face was a mask of stone, I couldn't tell what she was thinking.   


For a moment, Mama didn't say anything, and then she spoke, “Fain, go to your room. Take Camille with you.”  


Oh crap. This doesn't sound good.  


I watched as Fain and Camille quietly left to the room Fain and I shared. As soon as the door clicked shut behind them, my Mama whirled around to me.  


“I can't believe you agreed to join them!” she raised her voice at me. She was angry. Furious. Just as I had expected.   


I tried my best to stay calm and reasonable. “Mama, I know it sounds dangerous and all. But it's a good opportunity for us.”  


Mama shook her head. “No, absolutely not. Those High Mages are filling your head with ideas.”  


“They're not filling my head with ideas!” I shouted angrily. Did Mama have something against the High Mages? I hadn't even noticed it, but I don't think Mama had ever said something positive about the High Mages.  


I lowered my voice. “Just think about it, Mama,” I told her, “I need to learn how to control—”   


I cut myself off, realizing that I sounded exactly like Kai Tsen. We're the High Mages filling my head with ideas? ‘No,’ I told myself, ‘this is my own choice. I'm doing this for my family.’  


“I can't believe you, Amirah,” Mama said, disappointed, “you didn't even think of telling me about the dark magic? And then you went ahead and made a foolish, rash, dangerous decision!”  


“It wasn't rash!” I argued, “I thought it through completely. Mama, if I could—”  


Mama put her hands on her hips. “if this is your idea of a thought-out idea, then I'm not sure I should be trusting you as much as I am.”  


I clenched my fists, my nails digging into the flesh of my palms. Joining the High Mages like this was sudden, but questioning my decision making? Accusing the High Mages of filling up my head with ideas, implying that in naive? Mama had no right to say that.   


I laughed, a mixture of disbelief and anger. “You—” I pointed at Mama, “—don't get to talk to me about good decision making. You think you're so noble, sacrificing your own health to earn money for us. Well, what happens if you die?”  


Mama opened her mouth to say something, but I interrupted her.  


“I'm not done talking yet. What if you die?” I repeated, “Do you have any idea what that'll mean for Fain and me? I joined the High Mages because the money I could earn will help us. I don't want to see anyone in my family get hurt.”  


“And I don't want to lose another person I love to dragons,” Mama said. Her anger had vanished, replaced with a tired sadness. She was talking about Papa. It hadn't even occurred to me that she was making that comparison between my father and me.  


“I'm a shadow mage,” I told her, “I have magic. I'm not going to die.” I wasn't sure who I was trying to convince; Mama or myself.  


“I'm going to Illindame, and I'm joining the High Mages,” I said quietly, “the only thing I'm asking of you now is that you be there in the morning to say goodbye.”  


And with that, I turned around and walked to my room, not stopping until there was a wall between Mama and me.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely have any hits here so every time I post I feel like I'm screaming into the void


	7. To Old Goodbyes and New Hellos

I shut the door to my room behind me, leaning against the closed surface. I trembled, and tears blurred my vision.

I had said horrible, awful things to Mama. What kind of daughter was I? I tried blinking the tears out of my vision, but they were relentless, rolling down my cheeks and dripping into my shirt.

“Amirah?”

Crap. I had forgotten that Fain and Camille were in this room. I quickly swiped at my eyes, wiping away any hint of moisture. But I wasn't fooling anyone.

“Yes?” I responded trying to act casual. I hoped they would ignore my crying, acting as if it hadn't happened.

“Are you okay?” Fain asked me.

“Why wouldn't I be?” I said, choking on my words slightly. I kept my eyes downcast, hoping they wouldn't notice the tears beginning to pool again.

Camille seemed to realize that I wasn't in the mood to talk. She looked like she wanted to reach out, but she didn't. Instead, she said, “We'll help you pack up. When will you be leaving?”

“T-tomorrow,” I said, still sniffling.

“Well, we better get to packing,” Fain exclaimed, trying to be upbeat.

Together, Fain, Camille, and I got to work, putting anything I deemed important into a bag. Camille insisted that I didn't need much and that I could replace most of my stuff in Illindame. Fain, on the other hand, claimed that I needed things to remember home by. I agreed with Fain.

After most of my wardrobe, my potion kit, and a few other essentials had been unceremoniously been stuck in my bag, we decided we were done. Camille, Fain and I were exhausted, laying on the floor with our hair splayed around us. The floor was hard and uncomfortable, but we managed.

“This feels so sudden, doesn't it?” Fain said.

“Yeah, I've lived in Janraok all my life,” I mused, “but now I'm leaving.” 

Camille gave me a look. “You guys didn't live in Janraok all your life.”

Fain and I looked at Camille, curious. 

“If I remember correctly,” Camille continued, “your family moved here when I was seven.”

“Weird, we were pretty young, that's probably why we don't remember.” Fain sighed. “It feels like Janraok has been our home since forever, I can't believe you're leaving, Amirah.”

I hummed in agreement. “If I'm being honest, the only reason I joined is for the money,” I glanced over and smiled at Fain, who laid beside me, “could you imagine the things we could do with that money? Mama would never have to work again!”

On my other side, Camille huffed. “I hate how you always do that.”

“Do what?”

“Put your family first. Every single decision you make somehow connects back to your mother and her job, or Fain and her school. You even got a job when you were thirteen, just so you could help your family—” Camille turned to her side, facing me “—don't you ever want to do something for yourself? To make you happy?”

“I've noticed it as well,” Fain confessed, “you used the money out of your own savings to help me go to Illindame to apply for Heritage Academy, while you continued to study in Janraok. You sacrificed your own schooling for me. You didn't have to do that.”

“Let's not forget the dragon!” Camille pointed out, earning a giggle from Fain.

I listened as they recounted more and more stories. I didn't know what to say. My family meant a lot to me, I knew that. But Camille and Fain made it sound like my life revolved around keeping my family happy. That wasn't true, it wasn't like I gave up my own happiness for them.

‘ _But I had sacrificed my happiness for them_ ,’ I realized. I could've let Mama handle all the money, instead, I got a job to lighten the load on her. I could've gone to a good school, gotten a nice education, but I stepped aside for Fain. Even my decision to join the High Mages was fueled by my family.

“I had no idea,” I finally whispered.

“It's okay,” Fain soothed, “now you don't have to join the High Mages. We'll figure something out, something where you don't disappear off to Illindame.”

“No.” the thought hit me so intensely I hadn't even realized I had said it out loud. I had to join the High Mages. Mama was sick, and working every day wasn't doing her well. If we didn't get her to the hospital, something bad would happen.

Camille put a hand on my shoulder. “Amirah, we just discussed this, you don't have to—”

I turned towards her. “I do have to, Camille. I understand what you said, but my family's happiness is my happiness. And my family needs money.” 

“But—”

“I'm sorry, but I said this to Mama too; _don't try to stop me._ ” 

I sat up, ruffling through my bag to see if I had packed everything I needed. I wanted to trust Fain and Camille, to believe that we could work something out. But realistically, I knew we were hardly getting by, constantly dipping over the line into poverty. We needed money, and the High Mages were the perfect opportunity. 

“You started packing without me.” I noticed Mama in the doorway, smiling wearily. I immediately felt bad.

I went over and buried myself into her arms, leaning my head against her shoulder. And then Fain joined the hug, followed by Camille.

They were my family, the ones I'd do anything for.

* * *

Turns out, carriages and pebbled roads aren't the best mixtures. The ride so far had been bumpy, to say the least. It didn't help that I had been pretending to be asleep, resting my head against the inner wall of the carriage, with nothing to distract me from the incessant bumping. 

We had been travelling for almost an hour. And by we, I meant the High Mages and me. 

I couldn't stop thinking about my last few moments in Janraok, the goodbyes between my family and i. I was lucky I had already cried enough before meeting up with the High Mages, the last thing I wanted was to be seen crying. It didn't stop me from tearing up ever so slightly once in a while, another reason why I kept my eyes squeezed shut.

The High Mages and I had to split into two groups, to fit into two separate carriages. The other carriage had passed by us a while ago, and I hadn't seen it since. That carriage held Zaria, Evangeline, and—much to my sadness—Alexander. On my carriage sat Mackenzie, Kai, and Ryan.

Bummer.

I had nothing against those three, of course. But ever since this morning, Mackenzie looked like she wanted to kill someone. Ryan had joked that she was being unnecessarily grumpy, but Mackenzie had cut him off before he could state why. Considering her unwillingness for having me as part of the High Mages, I was a likely reason.

Ryan and Kai, on the other hand, had tried to start a talk, but I didn't keep the conversation going. I'd rather not create another awkward scenario like the first time I met the High Mages. 

“We're almost there,” Ryan stated, mostly to himself. 

Cracking my eyes open, I could see he was right. The rolling fields had become less frequent, and I could see the beginnings of the city. Small, cube-shaped houses, with tiny lawns and enormous paved paths, each house nearly identical. 

Moments later, the carriage rolled to a stop. This was it. I was in Illindame, with the High Mages. 

I was a High Mage.

The thought hit me with so much terror, I momentarily forgot how to breathe. My nails dug into the skin of my arm, pressing so deep they left little crescent-shaped indents. 

The carriage door flipped open, and I was momentarily blinded by the brightness of the sun. I had once heard that Illindame was called the “Golden City.” It didn't make much sense to me back then, but it definitely did now.

In a daze, I let the driver help me down from the carriage. I reached for my purse to pay him, but he generously refused, claiming the helping the High Mages was service enough. What a kind man. I made sure to thank him.

This part of Illindame looked a lot different from what I had seen when I went to Cypress Valley. There was no chatter here, I realized, as I took in the tiled pathway and perfectly groomed garden. Plants and trees of all sorts decorated the surface. In an odd way, it reminded me of the herbs we grew at our front yard at home.

I swallowed hard. This was my home now, here in Illindame. The realization made my heart twinge painfully. What had I gotten myself into? I took in a few deep breaths and then continued looking.

I couldn't help but gasp. I was in front of an enormous building, the most beautiful building I had ever seen. If it wasn't for the lack of royal guards, I would've assumed it was the palace. 

Every edge or corner was accented with gold and other shiny materials that glinted in the sunlight. Arches as tall as my entire house crisscrossed over an ornate door, that looked more expensive than my entire neighbourhood. Trimmed bushes filled with lush flowers circled the building. 

With a jolt, I realized that the rest of the High Mages had already started toward the building. I lifted up my skirts, shoes tapping softly as I rushed to catch up with them.

I felt almost guilty, walking up to this beautiful building in a worn-out outfit. My shoes were nice enough. They were sandals, precariously strapped onto my feet. I felt like one wrong step would cause the stitching to break. The dress I had worn was a second-hand garment from Mama. It's bejewelled neckline and embroidered designs on the bodice made me feel over-the-top, but it was easily the nicest thing I owned. 

The interior of the building was just as magnificent as everything else. An enormous chandelier hung from the ceiling, composed of tiny beads that twinkled in the light. They reflected everywhere, casting a rainbow of colours in every direction. I could see people bustling through the many doorways in the room—they were workers, I assumed. 

I turned towards the High Mages, to ask them what happened now. But before I could speak, a group of ladies surrounded me, ushering me away. 

“What's going on?” I asked, panicking just a little as they led me deeper and deeper into the building. 

One of the ladies—a girl, no older than me—smiled sweetly. “We work here, miss. We were given orders to help clean you up.” 

“ _‘Clean me up?’_ ” I echoed flatly.

She simply smiled at me in response. I had a bad feeling about this. Nevertheless, I remained compliant as I was led to a room.

It was a dressing room of some sort, clothes and swaths of fabric occupied every spare corner. A separate nook in the room was covered in mirrors and various accessories.

So this is what they meant by cleaning me up. After this was over, I'd look like another High Mage. Fear clawed up my throat. I had never don't anything like this, such expensive fabrics, the finest jewellery—for me?

One of the girls put a hand on my shoulder, a comforting gesture. “Don't worry,” she soothed, “after we're done, you'll look like a dream.”

For the next hour, I was pampered as I had never been before. It felt like the most incredible fantasy come true.

I was given a warm bath, the water was filled with the suds of many soaps. The maids had left me alone, allowing me to indulge myself in the warm water and fine soaps.

The water system in Illindame was unbelievable. I had heard about it before—Illindame's water was transferred through pipes—but witnessing it myself was a whole new experience. With one turn of a handle, I could make my water go from cold to warm, from less to more.

It was safe to say I was impressed.

After that, the maids had dressed me in a robe. they waxed and scrubbed at my skin, I want to do it well enough on my own. The girls covered me with lotions and oils that smelled like flowers and made my skin feel really soft.

Then, they dipped my hands and feet in lukewarm water and filed my nails until they were perfectly shaped. The maids had wanted to do my makeup. I wanted to refuse, but the excited looks on their faces reminded me so much of Camille it made me reconsider.

I was currently standing up, trying to stay as still as possible. They had dressed me in a simple dress that was slightly too loose on my frame. ‘It was just until they could sew something that'd fit me better,’ that had told me. A maid stood in front of me, fiddling with the fabric onto my body, and taking measurements, presumably for the custom made clothes. 

I had never been to a dress fitting before. I resisted the urge to fiddle. All this had been uncomfortable at first, having so many people fuss over me, but I learned to deal with it. I still couldn't wait until they were done, things had been so suffocating for me, and I really wanted some time to think.

Off two the side, a few maids rifled through various fabrics, occasionally muttering to themselves. I watched as one of them held a patterned blue fabric out, only for the other girl to shake her head and pick out a completely different cloth.

Two more girls were behind me, fluttering over my hair. My hair had been washed, hydrated, and brushed. One of the maids had wanted to cut it, but I had immediately shut her down. They proceeded to brush through my hair and pin it into an elaborate hairstyle.

After what felt like an eternity, they were done. The girls stepped aside and let me examine myself in the mirror. I looked…

“Wow.”

I tucked a curled strand of hair behind my ear, not able to take my eyes off my reflection.

The dress I was wearing was simple enough, a cream-coloured gown with long sleeves and a modest neckline. A similar coloured ribbon was tied around my waist in a tiny bow, it's excess strands hanging down my left side. The skirt of the dress hung all the way down to my calves, the material so smooth and lightweight it almost felt like it wasn't there at all. 

I had always assumed that if I wore makeup, it'd be completely altering my appearance. Lying, of some sort. But this makeup hadn't changed anything, only enhanced what was already there. 

My caramel skin—as Camille had once called it—looked like it was glowing. The colour around my eyes made them look wider, and bought out the blackness of my pupils. My eyebrows and eyelashes looked darker, and my lips had never looked so full.

What caught my eyes was my hair. I was so used to having it cover my face, that it was a little unsettling to see it styled away from my face. Half of it had been pulled into a neat bun at the top of my head, decorated with little flower-shaped pins. The rest of my hair cascaded down my shoulders in loose waves. A few strands of my hair had been curled, and now framed my face in a way that made me feel elegant. 

“you seem to like it, miss,” one of the maids said, coming up behind me.

“Yeah, yeah I love it,” I said, touching my face in disbelief, “will I have to do this every day?”

The girl laughed. “Not if you don't want us to, you're very welcome to dress in the morning by yourself.”

I considered that. On one hand, I didn't want to be treated like spoiled royalty, it was awkward, since class-wise, I was closer to these maids than the High Mages. But, at the same time, I didn't exactly know how things worked around here. I would have a lot of learning to do, just to get my morning routine done. The choice seemed obvious to me.

“I'll figure it out on my own, thank you very much.”

The maid clasped her hands together. “That's great! If you need anything, feel free to ask me, or anyone else working here.”

Just then, another maid came into the room, whispering something to the girl speaking to me. Both of them turned to me and smiled charmingly.

“You're just in time for dinner,” she informed me, “with the rest of the High Mages.”

Well, crap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone actually read this? Lmao


End file.
